Productivity Thy Name is Gidget

Moving activities are starting to get into full swing now as our "pack-out" date draws ever nearer. The last few days have been spent calling every bank, credit card company, utility and kodiak bear (Ursus middendorffi) that we know. The banks at which we do not have accounts were very confused as to why we were calling. The bears, surprisingly, seemed indifferent.

My greatest source of amusement in the course of making these phone calls has been what is known as the "save attempt¹" amongst customer service representatives (CSRs). The conversation normally goes something like this:

Me: "Hi, my wife and I are moving out of the country next week so I'm calling to cancel our phone service."

CSR: "I see, please hold while I connect you to our cancellations department."

-Time Passes-

CSR2: "Hello sir, I understand you're unsatisfied with your phone service and would like to cancel your account."

Me: "We're not dissatisfied, we're just canceling because we're leaving the country."

CSR2: "I see. Well sir, we're sorry that you're so dissatisfied with your service. If you'd be willing to reconsider your decision to switch to another provider I could authorize a free two month trial of our caller ID service onto your account."

Me: "No, thank you. You see, we're not unhappy with our phone service, we're just moving out of the country and your company does not, to my knowledge, provide phone service in Poland."

CSR2: "Oh, so you'd like to transfer your account to Poland? Please hold for one minute while I check on that."

Me: "No wait! I..."

-More time passes-

CSR2: "Sir, I'm sorry to say we don't have any networks in Poland. Would you like to reconsider your move?"

This is normally about the point in the conversation where I hang up the phone and put in another call to the kodiak bears to tell them about a wondrous place known as a "call center" where they can find all the CSRs they can eat.

Unfortunately, the kodiak bears are as unimpressed with me as ever.

My only solace throughout this entire process is what a tremendous help Gidget continues to be.

¹Admittedly, I don't know if they actually call it the "save attempt," but I feel it has a nice ring to it.

-Dave