To Jenn and Ryan

As Melissa discussed a few posts ago, I was recently honored to be a part of my sister's wedding ceremony. Since Melissa has already talked about what happened at the various festivities, this post will be about what didn't happen: my toast to Jenn and Ryan.

It's not that I wasn't prepared (I was) and it's not that I have trouble speaking in front of large groups of people (I don't); no, the problem was simply an erroneous assumption on my part. I had envisioned a scenario in which I could rap on my glass with a knife to get everyone's attention, stand up, and make my toast. Jenn and Ryan's reception, however, was not formatted in a style conducive to impromptu toasts, so I decided it was better to deliver this speech in a different format than to attempt to force their reception to conform with what I had envisioned.

What follows is a transcript of my toast. Superscripts, which are normally reserved for jokes in my posts, will in this case be used to explain visual clues that would have been apparent were I giving this speech live.

To Jenn and Ryan:

Wow, that worked just like it does in the movies.¹

So here we are.²

These are blank. I just wanted to look prepared.³

In doing research for my own wedding I came across references to a tradition where the most recently married member of the family stands up and gives the bride and groom some advice. Some insight into succeeding as newlyweds. Unfortunately, with a family as large as ours, I held the title of most recently married for… almost a week. So I’m disqualified there. But I feel that my status as Jenn’s only sibling makes up for my deficiency in the most recently married category. Also, I’ve never been much for tradition, so here we go.

I was always very blessed growing up. I had two parents who supported me in all things and a big sister who, despite occasional tiny arguments, was always there for me when I needed advice. Often that advice was unsolicited, but it was there none-the-less. So it put me in somewhat unfamiliar territory when, a few months after my own wedding (and I can’t remember how many exactly so we’ll just say it was 3.14 months), my sister asked me for advice.

I remember it vividly. Jenn and I were up late one night at mom and dad’s watching cable TV as we often did when we found ourselves staying at our parent’s house. We never really found anything worth watching, but we watched it anyway because the only alternative was going to bed. So there we were, watching Monk or some other drivel they put on after midnight, and this this was the moment my sister chose to ask me one of the most profound questions of our lives. She sat up on the sofa and reoriented herself towards where I was sitting across the room in our dad's recliner and asked, “How did you know Melissa was the person you were meant to marry?”

And my reply? Nothing. I’m sure to Jenn it looked like I was ignoring her. Being a typical younger brother I’m quite adept at ignoring my sister and hone that skill often. But not this time. The truth was my mind was racing: "How do I answer that question? How did I know? I can pinpoint the exact moment I knew, but how did I know?"

The only thing that would come to my mind was the old Redd Foxx routine: “What is it? What it is.” “How do you know? Because I know.”

I ran through that sequence internally a few dozen times before coming to the most shocking realization of my life: I had been married for 3.14 months and I couldn’t answer my sister’s question. I suppose I could have taken a stab with the Redd Foxx thing, but I knew that wouldn’t satisfy her and besides, it was coming up on 1:00 in the morning and I didn’t really feel like explaining who Redd Foxx was.

Well Jenn, I’ve thought about it a lot over the past three years and I have an answer for you. Helpful brother that I am I have an answer to a question you no longer need answered. What can I say? I work for the government. We specialize in obsolete information.

So, how do you know when you’ve found the person you’re to spend the rest of your life with?

Because you know.

You know when you look in their eyes and see your future staring back at you. You know because you see yourself walking hand-in-hand with them through the decades and it just makes sense. You know because that person becomes a part of you and you can never be complete again without them. For these reasons and a thousand others that you could never hope to articulate: you know. But mostly you know when you pray for guidance and the only answer is, “You already know.”

To Jennifer: my sometimes nemesis, my sometimes partner in crime, my always sister and friend.

And to Ryan: who I loved like a brother before I ever met because of the joy he’s brought to my sister.

May the love and happiness you share be without limits and may you both always know.

-Dave

---

¹This line was intended to follow the aforementioned ringing of the glass.
²After delivering this line I was going to shuffle a set of blank 3x5 index cards as though my speech notes had become disorganized.
³The cards, having fulfilled their one function, would at this point be tossed dramatically upon the table.